Justifications For Tolerating Marital Rape

Being raped once is bad enough, but having it happen day after day after day is a never ending nightmare. But the Indian penal system refuses to recognise marital rape as a crime. The reason being either the sacrament of marriage, or the stability of the family or misuse of the law.

As for the sacrament of marriage, what can possibly be sacred about rape? Doesn't the act of rape already destroy the sanctity of marriage?

As for stability of the family, how is such a family stable? What kind of example is being set for the kids? How can having a cruel and violent rapist for a role model be good for children? They will only learn such behavior to be the norm and perpetuate it.

And as for misuse of the law, why is everyone so scared? It is not like getting a rape conviction is a cake walk in this country. To my knowledge, rape prosecutions in India are very hard on the victim. The victim's character is mercilessly attacked and rapists often go free for lack of material proof, or because the prosecution successfully unhinged an already traumatized victim.

An Important Symbolic Message

Nobody expects that men should be convicted on the charge of marital rape at the mere word of the wife. The same procedure of diligent evidence gathering and trial would be followed as in any other rape case. The absence of consent would need to be proven. Many safeguards and clauses can be implemented to prevent misuse of the law. True this would make it extremely hard to prove in practice, but in my opinion, the law still needs to be there.

Because the existence of the law tells people, what they are doing is wrong. Plain and simple. It is important for people, who at least do this casually, to know that the Indian law considers the act as a criminal offence. As long as we are not willing to criminalise marital rape, we are sending the message that we condone it. And that is how, it is often interpreted by an already patriarchal society that tends to treat women as property.

Marriage Is Not A License To Rape

Some comments I noticed on posts regarding this subject clearly demonstrate the necessity of this law:

People who believe in martial rape should not marry or opt out of marriage by divorce without alimony. Why do women want to marry if they don't want to have a physical relationship. Just to get their bills paid. (part of a comment by Rajib Ranjan Das)

If marital rape is recognised then, Women should not marry, when they feel horny then go knocking doors with the consent form. (part of a comment by Amitabh Das)

It would seem from these disturbing statements that some men believe that the whole purpose of marriage is to make it legal to rape someone. Surely this notion needs correcting. Marriage should not commit a woman to a life of sexual slavery. Is a woman no longer a human being after marriage? Should she be denied the basic human right of having a say in how her body is used? Should she be denied the feeling of security in her own home?

Oddly while cruelty is grounds for divorce, marital rape is not considered cruelty. Go figure.

The attitude of the law makers and enforcers has resulted in too many women suffering, what can only be described as torture.

Mixed Messages

What is the harm in having the law, if definitive proof is required to prosecute it? At least it would be a start. Women would know it is wrong. Many women don't realise it is wrong because it is not considered criminal by the courts. They consider it normal and accept it as an unpleasant part of life. Often the police wont register complaints. Having the law, would send the clear message that:

We as a country do not condone marital rape.

What is the point of having beti bachao and beti padhao programs, if at the end of the day we are okay with having them raped by their husbands? Why are we sending girls mixed messages? Are we, as a nation, committed to bringing about gender equality or not?

Even Children Are Not Spared

Even children over the age of 15 are not safeguarded by the law from marital rape. The age of consent is 18 in India. But it is legal for husbands to have sex with their wives with or without their consent provided they are over 15 years old.

Bottom Line

A woman's right to consent cannot end with marriage. Marriage cannot be considered as a blanket consent for sex anytime, anywhere. A woman must have always retain the right to deny invasion of her body.

This article was first published on Women's Web.